My Blogging Break

Firstly I would like to massively apologise for not posting for the past month, I did not even decide to take a break from blogging but life happened and unfortunately I neglected this blog.

Alot has happened since I started blogging; I have graduated from university, I have started a new job and I have moved to a new town. This combination has left me with no time for blogging which I am very upset about. As I settle into my new life this is something I want to return back too. However, I am tweeting frequently on my blog twitter to update you all on what I have been up to. I was also honoured to take part in #TalkMH on the topic of medication a few weeks ago.

Please say grace has got her blogging game back!

I have been struggling a bit recently and all this change has been a bit too much. However, I had an amazing realisation tonight - how therapeutic this blog was for me so I am hoping to up my game and continue to share my journey and experiences with you. In the next couple of weeks you'll see; a blog about me graduating, a blog on #TalkMH, a blog post about my friends finding out about my blog and another mental health related blog (keep your eyes peeled!).

I hope you understand and I am sorry for being so rubbish on the blogging front.

Have you ever decided to have a blogging break? How can I get my blogging mojo back? Please comment below.

Supporting Someone who Self Harms

Self harm is something that affects so many more people than we realise, it is such a hidden and taboo mental health difficulty and I want this to change! As a suffer myself I have experienced my fair share of shame and absolute fear of becoming vocal about my experience of self harm

Self harm is used to describe a wide range of behaviours which someone carries out to cause pain to themselves, which is often a response to emotional pain of some kind.

As someone who self harms myself I can understand the difficulty of supporting someone who self harms, especially someone that you love and care about. Knowing what to say to someone who self harms is difficult, perhaps you don’t understand why, perhaps you want to help but don’t want to say the wrong thing, perhaps you just want to make your friend stop and their suffering disappear?

Here a few thing things that I believe you should or shouldn’t do when supporting someone who experiences self harm (in my opinion and experience, be aware that this might not be the case for everyone):

Mostly just let them know that you are there, be compassionate, be there to support them and hold their hand through their journey. Ultimately please understand that it is a long and hard journey to stop self harming and be aware that someone will only stop self harming when they feel ready and are able to do so and there will be a chance of relapse even after this.

I wrote this as a guest post for Rachel please check out here twitter here.

Do you have any advice on supporting someone who self harms, or if you have experience of it yourself what would you like to hear or your friends do? Please comment below.

My Experience Taking Medication

Medication is such a hugely debated topic with many controversial views associated with taking medication for mental health problems. Unfortunately, there are also many myths associated with this. Although it might not be the magic cure, and it won’t make everything better, medication can help. I honestly don’t know where I would be without it.

There is a lot of stigma attached to taking medication and many of the people I know and love aren’t even aware of the fact that I myself take it simply to be able to function every day. It’s time to be honest, I don’t want others to be as scared as I was when I first started taking medication, reading horror stories online and believing I was doing something bad. So here goes, I take medication for anxiety and depression, and yes that is ok.

Medication is simply one of the many options available to help combat mental health problems, alongside talking therapies. Personally, the best option for me has been to receive a combination of counselling, support from my doctor and medication. It’s important to remember that medication has both benefits and drawbacks, and you should research both before making a personal decision to take it. Yes, there are side effects but I would rather feel nauseous or tired than be under the grip of the dark depression.

My decision to start taking medication was not an easy one. Firstly, it took a lot for me to realise that I needed help and unfortunately I found out the hard way. After months of despairing depression, crying myself to sleep, feeling numb and worthless, alongside the anxiety of trying to keep up appearances, to carry on being a successful university student and attempting to maintain my friendships. It all got too much, I couldn’t listen to the thoughts in my head for much longer, I left the house at night taking a walk to the sea front, I didn’t want to be here anymore, I was shaken up but I could not do it, I could not hurt the people that I know and love no matter how much I was hurting at the time.

I came back and my house mates, clearly concerned about me didn’t know what to do. One of them was brave enough to text me and say that they knew I wasn’t right and that I needed to get help and they were scared, I was scared too I told them. With her support I booked a doctor’s appointment and started my journey on understanding my depression and anxiety.

If I could give myself some advice before taking the medication, I would remind myself that they won’t solve everything all at once, but that is okay. In the end, they will make my depression and anxiety a little easier to deal with. It will be worth it. I would also say if you are not happy with the medication you are on, ask for a new one, not every medication is suitable for everyone and this is ok. 

How was your experience taking medication? Do you have any advice for someone taking it for the first time? Please comment below.

Why did I decide to start this blog?

The process of actually starting my own blog was not the easiest decision to make. As someone who has actually blogged for Student Minds for the past couple of years, won Blogger of the Year and has amazingly become Editor for the blog I still didnt feel ready.

I felt very vulnerable, like starting my own blog, would be far more personal, the fears I felt when I first started blogging emerged. Would people find my blog? Would people judge me? Why is what I have to say important? Am I embarrassing myself? Would people laugh at me? Honestly, sharing my story and personal experiences of mental health has not been easy, but I would never change it.

So perhaps moving on to my own blog was the next step. So I had to put my anxieties aside, bite the bullet and actually do it. I had promised myself for a while that I would start up a personal blog on completion of my degree. My degree was done, I was in limbo before starting a new job. What could be a better time hey?

As a big advocate for campaigning for mental health and reducing stigma despite being so scared to talk about my story (I still am to a large extent) I made the step, I wanted my story to be able to help others. Frequently reading blog posts on mental health and keeping up to date with mental health news made me realise that I could make a difference alongside all those inspirational people.

I wanted to turn my experience of depression and self harm into a positive and help people. I believe storytelling has been a great help to my mental health journey; putting my struggles into words has helped me deeply assess what I have experienced and thus how far I have really come. I wanted to do what others have done in the hope that perhaps one of my blogs could help someone who is feeling similar or is at a similar point in their lives. Not everyone knows someone who is experiencing it and there is nothing more powerful than reading someone else's words and thinking I am not alone.

As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of university I also wanted to share my honest journey through uni, that is often just portrayed as 'the best time of your life'. I believe this took a huge toll on my wellbeing and I think people should talk honestly (if you have any uni related questions I would be honoured to answer them).

I could not be prouder of where I have come and the amazing feedback and positive responses I have received since starting this blog. These differences have made it all worth it.

Can you think of any ways to ease my anxieties to sharing my own story? Do you feel a smiliar way?

New Job: Am I ready to Adult?

Tomorrow marks the start of my first job since leaving university, I can't wait to start, mainly because I will be working for an amazing charity, but at the same time I am petrified;

What will be expected of me?

Will I be able to get up everyday for work? Will I always be late?

Is this a big step from what I know from being a student?

Will people I am working with like me?

101 thoughts are currently whizzing through my mind, I wish I had the answers to them, but I don't think I ever will. Change is hard, but change is also exciting. This is a fresh start and a chance to do something I am really passionate about. I need to learn to embrace it instead of fearing it.

Yes I may not be able to nap whenever I want (the biggest drawback and the main reason I don't want to adult!) but just think my weekends will be mine, no more heading to the library to do university work, the stresses of work can be left at work. Something which is very new to me! Maybe this chapter of my life is going to work out ok, if I try and see the positives to this change and growing up and having an ADULT job - I know right no more student Grace.

Have you got any tips for starting a new job? If so please let me know! (I really need them haha). Lets hope I get a good night sleep tonight because the rollercoaster begins!

Thoughts on my Self Harm story going viral

Sat having drinks with my friends in a beer garden I was weirded out when I realised I had loads of messages and notifications on my phone, I looked and my heart honestly sunk - Time to Change had shared my blog about self harm . I felt sick, I wanted to ask for it to be removed, I did not want so many people to know that I had experience of self harm. My friends? My family? My new house mates?

My "secret" was out and it was out publicly. 

Then my friend (she is amazing!!) took my hand and said you can do it, your story is amazing, I have read it and it is great that it will reach so many people. I was also then reminded why did you write it in the first place and put it on your blog - to help others of course?! So why would I take that away from people due to being scared. Looking back in hindsight (only a couple of days ago haha) and having the inspirational girl Lottie to help me find positives in this situation I now realise that it is very good that this decision for it to become so public is not one that I had to make, it was taken out of my hands and I would like to thank Time to Change for believing in me and feeling that my story could help others. 

Your kind words and heartfelt stories really have shown why I wrote it - to break down the taboo of self harm, which I think is still a massive problem and one that needs to be addressed. So how can we address it - by talking about it, by being open, by showing that it can affect anyone, at any time for any reason. 

Many of my friends were shocked - we didn't expect you to experience self harm, I know you campaigned for the removal of stigma for it but we didn't know you were personally affected. You never know who may be experiencing it - your partner, friend or family. It really isn't as rare as you might think. 

Being open, talking about it, and with the help of my wonderful friend Amelia and her support when I just wanted to burst into tears, her strength gave me strength to be brave and yes I do self harm, and I can say that outloud. 

Here are some of the lovely words and feedback that I am very blessed to have received, especially by those who know me personally:

 Thanks to everyone who made me feel brave enough to share my story, I hope it has helped others, even if it makes a little difference, helps one person then I feel like I have succeeded.

How University Changes Each Year - 1,2,3,4

Looking back retrospectively university has made me the person that I am today, I really have grown and developed a lot since I was a fresher who was overwhelmed with having independence in a big new city.

What has  developed me; the fact university is not without its ups and downs. The amount of times I have laughed until my stomach hurt, danced until I could not feel my feet, stayed out into stupid o'clock on night outs with my friends are also accompanied by the exam stress, a mountain of coursework and the many breakdowns I experienced whilst at university.

With hindsight I can reflect on this as see that this change in me has happened with each differing year at university, all shaping me into who I am today.

I once believed that university would be all fun and games, and for the most part of first year was but when you bring into the realisation that you want to do well, that you have to put the work in for this to happen and going out 4 times a week is not real life, then I think you have hit your second year at university.

So if you are looking into uni, or are currently at university and want to know what could be to come here is my experience on how university changes each year and the good and bad of each one (bear in mind this is my personal experience - everyone's uni experience will be different):

First Year:

• excitement, freedom - I can do what I want when I want
• learning to cook and look after myself  (I ate cereal for majority of first year - please learn to cook before I did, maybe learn a few key meals prior to uni)
• doing my own washing (secret - the first wash I did was without washing powder as I seriously could not work out where to put it!) 
• making lots of friends and meeting such a variety of people - the best part of going to university
• going out lots - many a drunken night
• spending more time having fun and enjoying myself then doing uni work
• sleeping when I wanted - day or night (mostly all day!)

Second Year:

• slow realisation that many of my friends made in first year were circumstantial friends - people to go out with but not friends for life 
• 30 bits of coursework - I had to work my arse off 
• learning to appreciate spare time - you need to go out, go on walks, have fun with friends, you don't know how simple a movie night is with your friends 
• looking after yourself and your wellbeing is key (I know as I did not do it -  please please don't follow in my footsteps)
• 6 exams in a row - the hardest thing in the world 
• house mate dramas - lots of arguments and shouting

Placement Year:

(I was very lucky to do my placement at my university)

• saying goodbye to many of my friends who went on placement at home or away from the university
• learning about the world of work - meeting many new people, having many experiences which I will forever be grateful off
• supporting my friends who were in their third years - yes I read a dissertation out loud for 4 hours and read about 4 others!
• moving into a house with two girls I didn't know (and two I did!) - realising that you third year is never too late to make a friend for life
• unfortunately living in a house with the creakiest floor boards which created many sleepless nights, living on top of each other and arguments 
• clashing personalities with housemates
• realising that I could stand up for myself - despite living with people it does not mean you cant be true to who you are 
• a very emotional ending (majority of my friends graduated)

Fourth Year:

• returning to a place which was home - without the home feeling - all my friends had graduated and it did not quite feel the same
• meeting more friends - some of which I class as friends for life 
• dissertation, stress, more stress, more stress
• the realisation that 4th year counts for 70% of my overall degree
• setting up a society 
• getting involved with a lot of projects and jobs - which I wish I had done earlier on at university
• supporting each other through the good and bad of final year 
• realising that university is over - what I have being working for for 4 years is done, I am graduating and this is the end of an era

Now that is my four years, which are sadly now over... no longer in the university bubble... welcome to graduate life. 

#MentalHealth - The Power Of Social Media

Logging onto my twitter yesterday I was very happy to see that people were talking about mental health, raising awareness, sharing their experiences.....

but this was slowly followed with sadness reading about people's stories of accessing mental health support and the stigma that they have faced.

Here are a few of the tweets that I came across that really struck a chord with me:

Here are some that I posted to hopefully raise a tiny bit of awareness, I really don't want others to experience what I and others that I know have had to:

Mental health needs to be discussed, stigma needs to be reduced, the services and access to them desperately needs to be improved.

Please go on twitter and find out more by searching for

#MentalHealthCareSoPoor 

Self Harm Awareness

400 in every 100,000 people have been found to harm themselves (Mental Health Foundation). However, I believe this to be one of the biggest taboos of mental health. Why don’t we talk about it when it affects so many people?

It can be very hard to understand why someone causes physical harm to themselves. I even find it difficult to comprehend as someone who has experienced self-harm. It’s hard to explain that I was mentally hurting so much that hurting myself physically seemed like the only way to ‘cope’. Yes, I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it, it is not something I am proud of and of course I wish that I didn’t develop this ‘coping strategy’.

However, despite the extent of being ashamed of myself I am more scared of what other people may think, will people still think of me in the same way when they find this out? Will I lose friends? Will people call me an attention seeker? People judging me is 110% the thing I am scared of the most, and my stomach is in knots just writing this, let alone posting it. However, I do know that I don’t do this for attention; it is a very private thing that I have barely told anyone; even some of the people I love the most and am the closest to were unaware.

As someone who advocates talking and raising awareness of mental health it’s still something that I wouldn’t have even dreamed about discussing. However, I promised myself this year that I would make an effort to raise awareness of mental health. Therefore, I need to be open with everyone.

There are a lot of stereotypes around self harm, and some people may have a stereotype in their head of the kind of person that self injures…but this is exactly what it is, a stereotype. Do I fit the category of looking like someone who would self injure? No, because self injury can affect anyone no matter of their background or circumstances. Self injury affects more people than anyone realises, and there's isn't a one size fits all with this or any mental health condition.

I find it extremely hard to talk about and almost all the people I know were not aware of my experience with this, but I believe I need to help break down the taboo that surrounds self harm; how can I expect my friends and family to be able to understand and support me when I can’t even talk about it myself?

People may question why would someone who has amazing friends and family, is doing well at university, and has a good social life, feel so negatively towards herself that she has to damage her body? You may think, how will this even help? Isn’t that just a stupid thing to do? It’s understandable that these questions arise, but they aren’t the best ones to ask.

I don’t even understand myself why I felt the need to self harm and why even several years after I started I still struggle with it, but what I do know is that having people around me who love and support me is something that will always help.

However, sadly it took me years to finally seek help for something I had been doing for many years, due to the fear of being judged and what people might say. Honestly, it’s been hard and the people who I have told have found it very upsetting and difficult to come to terms with. From my personal experience one bit of advice I could give anyone who is supporting someone who experiences self harm is - please remember to look after yourself as well, admitting when it gets too much is something that your friend will be able to appreciate but please never turn your back on them, they need your support more than you know.

Despite a few bad experiences, happily with the right support; opening up to a friend, having someone’s support who had been there themselves, having the best mum in the world, having regular GP appointments, being on the right medication and receiving counselling, I can honestly say it was worth opening up and seeking help. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if you are someone who is struggling or know someone who is struggling please support them and urge them to seek help.

 I don’t want others to hold the burden of “the taboo of self-harm” and feel the need to keep it a secret like I once did.

Self-harm isn't widely discussed in society let alone in the student population. Raising awareness about self injury is incredibly important- awareness leads to understanding and empathy, banishing judgement and fear, and reducing the number of people who feel alone and suffer in silence. Raising awareness is about educating people who do not self injure and reaching out to people who do.

My Favourite Author: Jodie Picoult

Yes, I admit I am a little bit of a book worm, I love to read and have for as long as I can remember. Honestly I would rather read a good book then watch a movie!! 

However, I am one of these people who can only read or watch something once, which is why I am so grateful that my favourite author has written a large number of books! These take up the pride and joy of my shelves in my bedroom. 

Why do I like Jodi Picoult so much?

I feel like her work really connects with real life, despite being fiction I feel so drawn into each individual character and their lives. Cleverly all the chapters are narrated by someone else and there is a pivotal court scene in each novel. She has written about a wide range of topics made up of many interesting characters. Her books have the least predictable story lines, which only makes that all the more interesting. The plot twists, really do leave you on the edge of your seat and mean that I spend nights up to the early hours of the morning as I am just not able to put her books down. 

What are my favourite Jodi Picoult books?   My Sisters Keeper and Handle with Care

My Sisters Keeper:

I read this years and years ago, way before the film came out. I do love the film - but seriously it has nothing on this book and I strongly urge you to read it. The story of a young teenager with cancer and her younger sister's experience trying to go through court to become medically emancipated. This heart wrenching novel takes you on the journey of a young girls experience with cancer and the effect this has on the rest of the family. This raises many ethical and moral questions - what does it mean to be a good parent? sister? or person? Should you do whatever you can in your power to save a child's life even when that negatively impacts the life of another? 

Handle with Care:

I read this book more recently - the story of a girl called Willows experience of severe osteogenesis imperfecta - meaning that she lives a life of hundreds of broken bones and a lifetime of pain. This story explores questions of medical ethics and the testing of personal relationships. The ob/gyn should have informed the parents that their child would be born severely disabled - meaning that the parents could go to court and get a massive pay out. However, to do so means admitting that if they got the choice they would have terminated the pregnancy and not had their little girl Willow who they love and adore. Not only would they have to make this bold statement but the person that her mum would be suying was not only the ob/gyn but her best friend. This raises questions of friendships, disability and survival. What would you do in that situation?

What books do you like best? Let me know if you want to do a book swap and I would be happy to send you one of her novels. 

Plymouth University: Student Bucket List

University can be a very stressful time, me and my friends decided to give ourselves hope and something to look forward to. This was done by creating a Bucket List of things that we wanted to do before we left Plymouth. Due to uni work constraints and stress it is not always possible to do all the things you want to during term time. However, once exams were done, coursework handed in and dissertations complete - we were free, free to do all the things we wanted to (with a little bit of sadness due to the fact that we were leaving Plymouth and all these things would not be on our doorsteps any more).

Ensuring we gave ourselves some time to chill and enjoy Plymouth we came back and had what we termed "a week of fun" - which is a week I will forever remember. I really do urge you to do the same and have fun and a bit of closure with your uni town and university friends.

Our week of fun and things I have enjoyed doing in  my four years at Plymouth:

• chilling on the hoe with my friends, having a picnic, eating fish and chips and roasting marshmallows - as soon as the sun is out the hoe is the place to be 
• walking to the hoe and barbican in all kinds of weathers (it is Plymouth after all)
• listening to live music at the barbican 
• having a house sleepover 
• dancing to our hearts content in the cheese room in oceana
• visiting Penny Well farm (not Plymouth I know but was a highlight!) 
• nights in with my my amazing friends
• melting chocolate with rice crispies 
• dancing on cuba bar despite being a third year
• drinking wine at the hoe on rocks by the sea
• indian meals - Ghanges and Ghurka/ Curry Corner
• getting involved with many projects and university services
• going to the beach for the day and freezing to death in the sea, whilst almost killing ourselves climbing up and down what felt like a cliff edge 
• starting up the amazing Student Minds society 
• first year nights out in C1Os (+ the party bus)
• making up dances and playing just dance (your never to old!)
• going to the yearly fireworks 
• pre drinks and house parties
• managing to sleep with 3 people in a single bed 
• cutting down a tree in the garden all day with a rusty bread knife
• swimming in the lido until we turned blue 

I have had the best four years and seriously the good times have far outweighed my struggles. 

Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

Plymouth, over and out.....

The car is packed, my room is empty, the house is probably cleaner than it was before we arrived. The door has been shut for the last time, my uni house no long belongs to me. Plymouth is no longer the place that I live - that is very hard to comprehend. The thought of leaving fills me with dread.

Its weird actually as all of my friends left Plymouth like a month ago, so I have said goodbye to one of my favourite parts about Plymouth. However admitting that this is the end now is hard. Classic Grace hanging on till the last minute, the longer I put it off then I wont have to actually leave and say goodbye right? WRONG!

Goodbye Plymouth, Goodbye University

At least I have the honour of coming back for my graduation in September - and I could not be more excited to have my family watch me graduate with a first class degree. Above that I can't wait to see my amazing university friends again. 

However, this isn't the end, I have had the best four years at Plymouth University, but this has only allowed me to have the future that is coming - time to move town, start a new job and develop even more as a person. 

Those Special People In Our Lives

Friendship: there are many necessary things in life, but I believe friendship to be one of the most valuable. They are the people who complete us - someone to talk to, spend time with, comfort us and most importantly laugh with. However, in life we all meet thousands of people and experience many friendships, some which last for a short amount of time, some that end badly, some in which you just gradually drift apart and some that last. The question I often ask myself is – how do I know when I have made a lifelong friend? And how can I distinguish between a friend and a really good friend?

After 22 years I still don’t feel any closer to answering these questions. Life is a funny thing and friendships are even more complex but essential to living a happy life. I am becoming aware that having a small close knit group of friends is a lot more meaningful than having lots of friends. Safe to say I have experienced my fair share of friendships, some good, some not so good, but you aren’t going to get on with everyone and sometimes I have had to learn the hard way: from playground fallouts, to bitchy girls and to people who simply don’t care enough!

I like to see the good in everyone and often make excuses for my ‘friends’ who often don’t live up to this label. I am fully aware that no one is perfect, people fall out, people make up, this is a normal part of friendship but when is enough enough? And how do you know when someone is truly your friend?

One thing I have learnt as a university student is people walk in and out of your life constantly, you meet new people everyday but often these people I would class as circumstantial friends. These are the people who you spend time with due to being on the same course, or who you live with in first year, those who you know through a friend, and people who join the same societies as you do. Arguably, you spend time with them because you have to, they are around when you are and vica versa. But outside of university you may not make an effort to keep in touch, not because either of you are bad people but because this is how life works.

As the end of final year approached there were far too many goodbyes with many questions floating around in my head: will we keep in touch? Who was a circumstantial friend? And who will be a true lifelong friend? 

However, I reassure you that it's normal to lose some friends after university, and throughout life you will lose even more circumstantial friends. Don't let this get you down or make you feel like it's your fault - it's a normal part of life. I often underestimate the extent to which we will all easily end up with different sets of people throughout life and it's normal to find and lose friends regularly.

Meanwhile, there is nothing better than having a few true friends that you will stay with throughout life, who will stay with you no matter what, despite the distance, despite life experiences. You will grow apart, whilst growing together. Staying in contact with people over a long distance is hard but it is possible and you can make it work.

I know this because I do know a couple of amazing people who I am blessed to have in my life and I hope they know who they are. Despite not being able to distinguish between who is and isn't a lifelong friend, what I do know is who makes me feel happy, loved and wanted. There are very few people in my life that I know can make me laugh no matter what, or who I can talk to about anything with no fear of judgement. Those who no matter how rubbish I can be at times they still understand and are still there.

This is dedicated to you, and you know who you are. I just wanted to write this public thank you and share how blessed I feel to have you special people in my life. And for those of you who are worrying about losing and maintaining friendships, this is a big part of life and you're not the only one who is often unsure where you stand. Just never forget that you are not alone and this is a normal part of life.

To have friendship is to have comfort. In times of trouble and depression, a friend is there to calm us and make us feel a little more ourselves. Lasting friendship is a blessing which I feel lucky to have.

Plymouth: My Special Place

Plymouth has been my home for four years now, from a wide eyed fresher to the graduate student I am today.

Shocked,  the end has finally come and I am full of feelings of uncertainty. So much change as I transition from a student to a graduate with a job (yes I managed to get a job!). Not only am I starting a new chapter in my life, I have to say goodbye to all that I know; the place that has been my home for the past four years, student life and unfortunately all my amazing university friends who have of course made my four years incredible.

Plymouth is a beautiful city with the hoe, barbican and city centre on our doorsteps we are spoilt for choice - making fun days out with my uni friends those that I will remember forever.

However, what I have to keep telling myself is that I am lucky to have had the best (yet the hardest four years of my life) time at university and no one can take these four years away from me. They have developed me into the person I am today. Plymouth is not going anywhere, yes I will not own a house here but I can always visit - anyone fancy it?

Mostly importantly the beautiful friendships I have created are to stay, despite being separated I will keep in contact with my closest friends and hope to arrange regular meet ups. Yes it wont be the same as being down the road from each other, but I know its possible, we can make it work (my best friend graduated last year and I still speak and see her all the time). If you want to keep in contact you will! 

So here is to the future and I cant wait to see what is in store for the future. Not only for myself but the amazing people I have met during my time at Plymouth University. 

Plymouth will always be a place that I call home and will forever have a place in my heart. 

Hands on Heart - I did not Think I would Make This Far

Four years on, four years of fun, tears, stress and making the best memories.

Its over, I have done it, I am leaving university, I have completed my degree. 

So many times I thought I would never see this day, hitting so many brick walls with uni work, being surrounded by piles of text books, sleepless nights, never ending days of revision, a mountain of pieces of coursework to complete. Alongside with too many days led in bed crying, sitting on the floor of the toilet before my exam being too anxious to get out, having to take time out and not being able to sit my exams in my second year due to my depression and anxiety, to almost dropping out. You name it - stress has made me do it.

University is not easy but I can now honestly say despite all the odds it is possible.

 Not only am I graduating, I am graduating with a First Class degree which I could not be happier about, all the hard work and tears are finally worth it.

However, this is not a post to big myself up. This outcome has only been possible to my amazing support network; mum, family, friends, counsellor and doctors. Thank you for always believing in me and telling me I could do it, that I am capable, even when I highly doubted you. Honestly, you will never understand how much those little words of encouragement meant to me, on the days when I had the worst thoughts going through my head you made me see the light.

Many people say you are away from your support network when you got to university, but I honestly think I found mine. It really is true what they say university friends do slowly become family. They see you everyday, notice the changes when things are not ok and are there for you when things just get a little bit too much. University is not easy so you help each other out, proving to each other that finishing a degree is possible no matter how hard it feels at the time. Not only am I graduating but so are/have my amazing friends.

Please never doubt yourself, because it is possible and we are living proof of that. 

The Importance of Not Burning Yourself Out

Despite often having very bad days, one of my biggest goals has been to not let other people realise this. People’s perceptions of me are something that I worry about often; do they like me? Will they think that I am weird? Am I boring? I really do care too much about what people think.

This has led to me appearing to be happy, confident and always ready for a good time. This could not be more wrong! Sitting in a lecture recently I was discussing being nervous about working with no one I knew and how I felt scared meeting them for the first time. My friend turned to me and said “REALLY?!?! You always seem so confident, I can’t imagine that” and then she paused and said “or you are just really good at appearing that way”. 

This really made it feel real to me; I have put on a show for so long. Sometimes this does work in my favour; it allows me to appear externally to be a happy, friendly, confident, fun person. However, eventually this can often get too much leading me to burn out. 

There is only so long you can pretend that everything is ok when it is not. As someone who has spent years keeping up this act it can be very hard. I am generally a happy, fun, loud, energetic person, but there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I question my existence and constantly worry about everything I have said and done. 

I am slowly beginning to learn that this is a part of who I am and I think this worry will always be present and yes I will have bad days but you know what, this is ok. It is very hard for me to admit to myself that I am struggling, let alone to the people I know and love, but hopefully one day I will be able to be more honest with myself. 

What I have learnt recently is that people understand and would rather I admitted I was having a bad day, instead of feeling the need to put on an act. I am realising in the long run this is also better for me as I can take it easy and have a few days to help myself, before I start burning out.


Here are a few things I am slowly learning are ok:

• It is ok to say no; you don’t have to attend every social event you are invited to, you don’t always have to do what others expect, if you aren’t up to going or don’t want to go then you don’t have to.
• A day in bed is okay; self-care is key, snuggling up with a cuppa and a movie or a good book is allowed, it does not make you lazy. We all need to recharge our batteries. 
• You don’t have to be happy 24/7; in fact I’ll let you into a secret no one really is. It’s completely normal to have bad days.

Finding Someone Who Shares the Same Pain

Do you get those times when you are struggling and feeling completely hopeless? Getting better seems like it’s getting further and further away? Do you just want someone to tell you that everything is going to be okay? That they have experienced what you are going through and have survived it?

I am very lucky to have been supported during my experiences with mental health difficulties; there has always been someone to pick me up when I can’t find the strength to keep going. Having those around you means you don’t only want to recover for yourself, but for those amazing people who love and care about you.

However, I am aware that not everyone is lucky enough to have the support of friends and family. On the other hand, regardless of your support network, 9 out of 10 people with mental health difficulties have experienced stigma and discrimination (Time To Change). Not everyone will understand what you’re going through and some people might even be hurtful.

Despite this don’t let those people get to you - they might not understand what you’re going through and the only way they can deal with this is by blocking you out, removing themselves from being friends and even being rude and nasty. Not everyone can be as understanding as you are, and this is no reflection on you. In life some people will understand your complexities whereas others won’t. It doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person; it may just be a lack of understanding of what you’re going through.

Nevertheless, don’t let these people make you turn your illness into a secret either. Why? Because this won’t help in the long run. Burying your head in the sand might work for a while, but facing your mental health problems face on and learning to live is the best way to cope. In life, there are some people who will just never understand you, no matter how much you tell them, and there are others who understand everything without you even speaking a word. You just have to find that person or people, who understand you with all your complexities, quirks, problems and personality.

However, despite this support and understanding, helping someone with a mental illness can be hard; it can be draining and your needs may become challenging for them. This doesn’t mean that they like you any less. Sometimes they may just have to take a step back when it gets overwhelming. Not only do you struggle, they will feel your struggles and like you find it hard to cope. My solution to this would be to find someone who feels your pain and suffers from the same mental health difficulties that you yourself suffer from. Why? They can understand that chaos in your mind, as they have also experienced it. You may argue that finding this person would be a hard task, but it’s not. Mental illness isn’t something that just happens to the minority - it affects 1 in 4 people. It’s easier thank you think to find someone.

I have personal experience of this. My best friend, who also suffers from mental health difficulties, gave me the strength when I didn’t think I could go on. She told me that yes, there would be bad days, but things do get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Unlike the other people who have supported me - friends, family and doctors - she actually had the experience to give me the confidence to believe her that this in fact was true, and I could get out of this dark place. Comedian, writer and mental health campaigner Ruby Wax advises those suffering to “go and locate a ‘f****d up buddy’; someone you can call day or night, when you can’t take it anymore”. Finding someone who shares your pain is invaluable.

Seriously, nothing can compare with the encouragement you get from someone who has already walked in your shoes. As well as being encouraging, it gives you that safety net that you often need at your worst. Any friend, family member or doctor can tell you what helps, but unless you can see for yourself that it works, it can be hard to trust their opinions. Personal experience brings wisdom that is one of a kind, and if this can be shared with others it can be extremely powerful.

You can endlessly discuss things that may be deemed taboo with other people, your bad experiences, drugs you’ve taken, therapies you’ve received: the list is endless. Sharing yourself with someone who understands and has had similar experiences will mean you will never get bored of listening to each other’s never ending stories.

Also, not only do you have the support from that person, they also have the support from you. It’s a two way process in which you can speak and listen, give and take, be the encourager and be encouraged. Take it in turns to pick each other up when you’re struggling or celebrate when things are going well. It means you will both have someone to hold your hand when it’s needed and guide you in the right direction.

Simply talking can change your life and help you get on the road to recovery. The feeling of isolation and being alone could go away if you just utter those few words “I have a mental illness”. Everyone is different and complicated in their own way: embrace this, share your life experiences with others and you too could make a difference to someone’s life.

Ultimately, remember that you are not alone, there is someone out there who is just like you, with the same struggles, similar experiences and who understands what you are going through.

This is dedicated to my best friend who knows me a little more than I know myself and fellow student minds blogger Becky McCerery.​