My Experience Taking Medication

Medication is such a hugely debated topic with many controversial views associated with taking medication for mental health problems. Unfortunately, there are also many myths associated with this. Although it might not be the magic cure, and it won’t make everything better, medication can help. I honestly don’t know where I would be without it.

There is a lot of stigma attached to taking medication and many of the people I know and love aren’t even aware of the fact that I myself take it simply to be able to function every day. It’s time to be honest, I don’t want others to be as scared as I was when I first started taking medication, reading horror stories online and believing I was doing something bad. So here goes, I take medication for anxiety and depression, and yes that is ok.

Medication is simply one of the many options available to help combat mental health problems, alongside talking therapies. Personally, the best option for me has been to receive a combination of counselling, support from my doctor and medication. It’s important to remember that medication has both benefits and drawbacks, and you should research both before making a personal decision to take it. Yes, there are side effects but I would rather feel nauseous or tired than be under the grip of the dark depression.

My decision to start taking medication was not an easy one. Firstly, it took a lot for me to realise that I needed help and unfortunately I found out the hard way. After months of despairing depression, crying myself to sleep, feeling numb and worthless, alongside the anxiety of trying to keep up appearances, to carry on being a successful university student and attempting to maintain my friendships. It all got too much, I couldn’t listen to the thoughts in my head for much longer, I left the house at night taking a walk to the sea front, I didn’t want to be here anymore, I was shaken up but I could not do it, I could not hurt the people that I know and love no matter how much I was hurting at the time.

I came back and my house mates, clearly concerned about me didn’t know what to do. One of them was brave enough to text me and say that they knew I wasn’t right and that I needed to get help and they were scared, I was scared too I told them. With her support I booked a doctor’s appointment and started my journey on understanding my depression and anxiety.

If I could give myself some advice before taking the medication, I would remind myself that they won’t solve everything all at once, but that is okay. In the end, they will make my depression and anxiety a little easier to deal with. It will be worth it. I would also say if you are not happy with the medication you are on, ask for a new one, not every medication is suitable for everyone and this is ok. 

How was your experience taking medication? Do you have any advice for someone taking it for the first time? Please comment below.

Why did I decide to start this blog?

The process of actually starting my own blog was not the easiest decision to make. As someone who has actually blogged for Student Minds for the past couple of years, won Blogger of the Year and has amazingly become Editor for the blog I still didnt feel ready.

I felt very vulnerable, like starting my own blog, would be far more personal, the fears I felt when I first started blogging emerged. Would people find my blog? Would people judge me? Why is what I have to say important? Am I embarrassing myself? Would people laugh at me? Honestly, sharing my story and personal experiences of mental health has not been easy, but I would never change it.

So perhaps moving on to my own blog was the next step. So I had to put my anxieties aside, bite the bullet and actually do it. I had promised myself for a while that I would start up a personal blog on completion of my degree. My degree was done, I was in limbo before starting a new job. What could be a better time hey?

As a big advocate for campaigning for mental health and reducing stigma despite being so scared to talk about my story (I still am to a large extent) I made the step, I wanted my story to be able to help others. Frequently reading blog posts on mental health and keeping up to date with mental health news made me realise that I could make a difference alongside all those inspirational people.

I wanted to turn my experience of depression and self harm into a positive and help people. I believe storytelling has been a great help to my mental health journey; putting my struggles into words has helped me deeply assess what I have experienced and thus how far I have really come. I wanted to do what others have done in the hope that perhaps one of my blogs could help someone who is feeling similar or is at a similar point in their lives. Not everyone knows someone who is experiencing it and there is nothing more powerful than reading someone else's words and thinking I am not alone.

As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of university I also wanted to share my honest journey through uni, that is often just portrayed as 'the best time of your life'. I believe this took a huge toll on my wellbeing and I think people should talk honestly (if you have any uni related questions I would be honoured to answer them).

I could not be prouder of where I have come and the amazing feedback and positive responses I have received since starting this blog. These differences have made it all worth it.

Can you think of any ways to ease my anxieties to sharing my own story? Do you feel a smiliar way?

New Job: Am I ready to Adult?

Tomorrow marks the start of my first job since leaving university, I can't wait to start, mainly because I will be working for an amazing charity, but at the same time I am petrified;

What will be expected of me?

Will I be able to get up everyday for work? Will I always be late?

Is this a big step from what I know from being a student?

Will people I am working with like me?

101 thoughts are currently whizzing through my mind, I wish I had the answers to them, but I don't think I ever will. Change is hard, but change is also exciting. This is a fresh start and a chance to do something I am really passionate about. I need to learn to embrace it instead of fearing it.

Yes I may not be able to nap whenever I want (the biggest drawback and the main reason I don't want to adult!) but just think my weekends will be mine, no more heading to the library to do university work, the stresses of work can be left at work. Something which is very new to me! Maybe this chapter of my life is going to work out ok, if I try and see the positives to this change and growing up and having an ADULT job - I know right no more student Grace.

Have you got any tips for starting a new job? If so please let me know! (I really need them haha). Lets hope I get a good night sleep tonight because the rollercoaster begins!

Thoughts on my Self Harm story going viral

Sat having drinks with my friends in a beer garden I was weirded out when I realised I had loads of messages and notifications on my phone, I looked and my heart honestly sunk - Time to Change had shared my blog about self harm . I felt sick, I wanted to ask for it to be removed, I did not want so many people to know that I had experience of self harm. My friends? My family? My new house mates?

My "secret" was out and it was out publicly. 

Then my friend (she is amazing!!) took my hand and said you can do it, your story is amazing, I have read it and it is great that it will reach so many people. I was also then reminded why did you write it in the first place and put it on your blog - to help others of course?! So why would I take that away from people due to being scared. Looking back in hindsight (only a couple of days ago haha) and having the inspirational girl Lottie to help me find positives in this situation I now realise that it is very good that this decision for it to become so public is not one that I had to make, it was taken out of my hands and I would like to thank Time to Change for believing in me and feeling that my story could help others. 

Your kind words and heartfelt stories really have shown why I wrote it - to break down the taboo of self harm, which I think is still a massive problem and one that needs to be addressed. So how can we address it - by talking about it, by being open, by showing that it can affect anyone, at any time for any reason. 

Many of my friends were shocked - we didn't expect you to experience self harm, I know you campaigned for the removal of stigma for it but we didn't know you were personally affected. You never know who may be experiencing it - your partner, friend or family. It really isn't as rare as you might think. 

Being open, talking about it, and with the help of my wonderful friend Amelia and her support when I just wanted to burst into tears, her strength gave me strength to be brave and yes I do self harm, and I can say that outloud. 

Here are some of the lovely words and feedback that I am very blessed to have received, especially by those who know me personally:

 Thanks to everyone who made me feel brave enough to share my story, I hope it has helped others, even if it makes a little difference, helps one person then I feel like I have succeeded.

How University Changes Each Year - 1,2,3,4

Looking back retrospectively university has made me the person that I am today, I really have grown and developed a lot since I was a fresher who was overwhelmed with having independence in a big new city.

What has  developed me; the fact university is not without its ups and downs. The amount of times I have laughed until my stomach hurt, danced until I could not feel my feet, stayed out into stupid o'clock on night outs with my friends are also accompanied by the exam stress, a mountain of coursework and the many breakdowns I experienced whilst at university.

With hindsight I can reflect on this as see that this change in me has happened with each differing year at university, all shaping me into who I am today.

I once believed that university would be all fun and games, and for the most part of first year was but when you bring into the realisation that you want to do well, that you have to put the work in for this to happen and going out 4 times a week is not real life, then I think you have hit your second year at university.

So if you are looking into uni, or are currently at university and want to know what could be to come here is my experience on how university changes each year and the good and bad of each one (bear in mind this is my personal experience - everyone's uni experience will be different):

First Year:

• excitement, freedom - I can do what I want when I want
• learning to cook and look after myself  (I ate cereal for majority of first year - please learn to cook before I did, maybe learn a few key meals prior to uni)
• doing my own washing (secret - the first wash I did was without washing powder as I seriously could not work out where to put it!) 
• making lots of friends and meeting such a variety of people - the best part of going to university
• going out lots - many a drunken night
• spending more time having fun and enjoying myself then doing uni work
• sleeping when I wanted - day or night (mostly all day!)

Second Year:

• slow realisation that many of my friends made in first year were circumstantial friends - people to go out with but not friends for life 
• 30 bits of coursework - I had to work my arse off 
• learning to appreciate spare time - you need to go out, go on walks, have fun with friends, you don't know how simple a movie night is with your friends 
• looking after yourself and your wellbeing is key (I know as I did not do it -  please please don't follow in my footsteps)
• 6 exams in a row - the hardest thing in the world 
• house mate dramas - lots of arguments and shouting

Placement Year:

(I was very lucky to do my placement at my university)

• saying goodbye to many of my friends who went on placement at home or away from the university
• learning about the world of work - meeting many new people, having many experiences which I will forever be grateful off
• supporting my friends who were in their third years - yes I read a dissertation out loud for 4 hours and read about 4 others!
• moving into a house with two girls I didn't know (and two I did!) - realising that you third year is never too late to make a friend for life
• unfortunately living in a house with the creakiest floor boards which created many sleepless nights, living on top of each other and arguments 
• clashing personalities with housemates
• realising that I could stand up for myself - despite living with people it does not mean you cant be true to who you are 
• a very emotional ending (majority of my friends graduated)

Fourth Year:

• returning to a place which was home - without the home feeling - all my friends had graduated and it did not quite feel the same
• meeting more friends - some of which I class as friends for life 
• dissertation, stress, more stress, more stress
• the realisation that 4th year counts for 70% of my overall degree
• setting up a society 
• getting involved with a lot of projects and jobs - which I wish I had done earlier on at university
• supporting each other through the good and bad of final year 
• realising that university is over - what I have being working for for 4 years is done, I am graduating and this is the end of an era

Now that is my four years, which are sadly now over... no longer in the university bubble... welcome to graduate life. 

#MentalHealth - The Power Of Social Media

Logging onto my twitter yesterday I was very happy to see that people were talking about mental health, raising awareness, sharing their experiences.....

but this was slowly followed with sadness reading about people's stories of accessing mental health support and the stigma that they have faced.

Here are a few of the tweets that I came across that really struck a chord with me:

Here are some that I posted to hopefully raise a tiny bit of awareness, I really don't want others to experience what I and others that I know have had to:

Mental health needs to be discussed, stigma needs to be reduced, the services and access to them desperately needs to be improved.

Please go on twitter and find out more by searching for

#MentalHealthCareSoPoor 

Self Harm Awareness

400 in every 100,000 people have been found to harm themselves (Mental Health Foundation). However, I believe this to be one of the biggest taboos of mental health. Why don’t we talk about it when it affects so many people?

It can be very hard to understand why someone causes physical harm to themselves. I even find it difficult to comprehend as someone who has experienced self-harm. It’s hard to explain that I was mentally hurting so much that hurting myself physically seemed like the only way to ‘cope’. Yes, I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it, it is not something I am proud of and of course I wish that I didn’t develop this ‘coping strategy’.

However, despite the extent of being ashamed of myself I am more scared of what other people may think, will people still think of me in the same way when they find this out? Will I lose friends? Will people call me an attention seeker? People judging me is 110% the thing I am scared of the most, and my stomach is in knots just writing this, let alone posting it. However, I do know that I don’t do this for attention; it is a very private thing that I have barely told anyone; even some of the people I love the most and am the closest to were unaware.

As someone who advocates talking and raising awareness of mental health it’s still something that I wouldn’t have even dreamed about discussing. However, I promised myself this year that I would make an effort to raise awareness of mental health. Therefore, I need to be open with everyone.

There are a lot of stereotypes around self harm, and some people may have a stereotype in their head of the kind of person that self injures…but this is exactly what it is, a stereotype. Do I fit the category of looking like someone who would self injure? No, because self injury can affect anyone no matter of their background or circumstances. Self injury affects more people than anyone realises, and there's isn't a one size fits all with this or any mental health condition.

I find it extremely hard to talk about and almost all the people I know were not aware of my experience with this, but I believe I need to help break down the taboo that surrounds self harm; how can I expect my friends and family to be able to understand and support me when I can’t even talk about it myself?

People may question why would someone who has amazing friends and family, is doing well at university, and has a good social life, feel so negatively towards herself that she has to damage her body? You may think, how will this even help? Isn’t that just a stupid thing to do? It’s understandable that these questions arise, but they aren’t the best ones to ask.

I don’t even understand myself why I felt the need to self harm and why even several years after I started I still struggle with it, but what I do know is that having people around me who love and support me is something that will always help.

However, sadly it took me years to finally seek help for something I had been doing for many years, due to the fear of being judged and what people might say. Honestly, it’s been hard and the people who I have told have found it very upsetting and difficult to come to terms with. From my personal experience one bit of advice I could give anyone who is supporting someone who experiences self harm is - please remember to look after yourself as well, admitting when it gets too much is something that your friend will be able to appreciate but please never turn your back on them, they need your support more than you know.

Despite a few bad experiences, happily with the right support; opening up to a friend, having someone’s support who had been there themselves, having the best mum in the world, having regular GP appointments, being on the right medication and receiving counselling, I can honestly say it was worth opening up and seeking help. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if you are someone who is struggling or know someone who is struggling please support them and urge them to seek help.

 I don’t want others to hold the burden of “the taboo of self-harm” and feel the need to keep it a secret like I once did.

Self-harm isn't widely discussed in society let alone in the student population. Raising awareness about self injury is incredibly important- awareness leads to understanding and empathy, banishing judgement and fear, and reducing the number of people who feel alone and suffer in silence. Raising awareness is about educating people who do not self injure and reaching out to people who do.

My Favourite Author: Jodie Picoult

Yes, I admit I am a little bit of a book worm, I love to read and have for as long as I can remember. Honestly I would rather read a good book then watch a movie!! 

However, I am one of these people who can only read or watch something once, which is why I am so grateful that my favourite author has written a large number of books! These take up the pride and joy of my shelves in my bedroom. 

Why do I like Jodi Picoult so much?

I feel like her work really connects with real life, despite being fiction I feel so drawn into each individual character and their lives. Cleverly all the chapters are narrated by someone else and there is a pivotal court scene in each novel. She has written about a wide range of topics made up of many interesting characters. Her books have the least predictable story lines, which only makes that all the more interesting. The plot twists, really do leave you on the edge of your seat and mean that I spend nights up to the early hours of the morning as I am just not able to put her books down. 

What are my favourite Jodi Picoult books?   My Sisters Keeper and Handle with Care

My Sisters Keeper:

I read this years and years ago, way before the film came out. I do love the film - but seriously it has nothing on this book and I strongly urge you to read it. The story of a young teenager with cancer and her younger sister's experience trying to go through court to become medically emancipated. This heart wrenching novel takes you on the journey of a young girls experience with cancer and the effect this has on the rest of the family. This raises many ethical and moral questions - what does it mean to be a good parent? sister? or person? Should you do whatever you can in your power to save a child's life even when that negatively impacts the life of another? 

Handle with Care:

I read this book more recently - the story of a girl called Willows experience of severe osteogenesis imperfecta - meaning that she lives a life of hundreds of broken bones and a lifetime of pain. This story explores questions of medical ethics and the testing of personal relationships. The ob/gyn should have informed the parents that their child would be born severely disabled - meaning that the parents could go to court and get a massive pay out. However, to do so means admitting that if they got the choice they would have terminated the pregnancy and not had their little girl Willow who they love and adore. Not only would they have to make this bold statement but the person that her mum would be suying was not only the ob/gyn but her best friend. This raises questions of friendships, disability and survival. What would you do in that situation?

What books do you like best? Let me know if you want to do a book swap and I would be happy to send you one of her novels.